i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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