go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
