A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
