If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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