Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
