The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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