why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also, beer. Big fan.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
