Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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