so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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