My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize