He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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