Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Green mimosas i think yes
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
