for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize