listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
