Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
