dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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