Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
