When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
