he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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