I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize