I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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