I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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