the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
