i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
