Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
