So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
