dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
