We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize