as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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