You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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