why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Need sex. Gaining weight.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
