i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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