I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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