Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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