as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Randomize
