How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
