They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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