Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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