I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
