Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she told me i tasted like america
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
