bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
