I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just got carded by a ten year old.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
