I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
