I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
