I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have fence marks all over my body
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
