Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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