I just pynch a tree in the face
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
