OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
