hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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