I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
