people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
