Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
