apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
