when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Randomize
