I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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