as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
