nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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