if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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