he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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