You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
