Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
3 2 1 whiskey
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
