I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
