The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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