you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
