Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
