Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
