I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
