Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
