Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize