Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We are all done wearing pants today
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
