Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
