that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
