Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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