Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She's the barista slut.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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