R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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