Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
