Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
