I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just google imaged poop.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize