Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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