I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
