i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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