I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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