he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
