If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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