I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it hurts more in the daytime
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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