we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
