he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I didn't shave. On purpose
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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