you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
this boner is exhausting
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
