i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
where are my eyebrows?
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