I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
