He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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