3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
