i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Damn victory sex feels great
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
