True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
