I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
