Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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