I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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