We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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