Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
