what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
