If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
ok first of all what the fuck
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
